Proud Infinity pt 19

But in a way, I was in a game that had a set boundary specifically tied to the time limit.  This made it hard, as I could not do ‘anything’ as there simply was not enough time in this singular day.  Was it even possible to pull off whatever Proud thought needed to be done?  So my options were not limitless, as there was a practical distance I could travel before my ‘time was up’ so to say.

‘Time was up…’

With those thoughts, a huge wave of experiences came flooding over me.  My eyes started watering and I fell backwards.  My eyes zoomed outwards as I fell out of my body.  The simple act of me sitting in my room faded away to nothingness as so much blanketed my mind.

This was not the fourth; this was not even the tenth, even a hundred would be low!  I had been though thousands.  All the experiences came flooding back.  All the cycles lived, and then died.

“Shit…”  I said, holding my head as I rolled down to the floor, my mind hurting so bad with this new awakening.

First were endless denials out of me, the ‘no way this is happening’ of thinking each cycle literally was new, and I had just been dreaming.  Hell, even the last couple of times I thought it was just a dream and I had already been looping thousands of times.

I could see why Proud made a comment about annoyance or something along those lines.  It was frustrating seeing myself constantly deny what was actually happening.  I was trying to ignore the important events like the guy at the fence, the android girl at the spaceport, and the whole bar scene or talking with Proud.  Even though little things like my banter with the android girl, or me gunning that guy down rather skillfully were a bit beyond my normal ability.  With grim realization it was probably hundreds of repetitions that had improved me.

My hand found something, maybe the leg of a desk, and I held on tightly like a sick child.  Even my most recent memories I was not sure had actually recently occurred.  I talked about winning against that guy, but if I had looped so often, I never would have got shot, or avoided it all together.  Thinking about it this way, I felt that there actually was a far deeper well of combat prowess inside me than I currently appreciated.  Honed over thousands of random battles.

The more my head swam, the more I realized how far down the line I was in regards to loops.  The denials lasted forever, but gave way to sadness before darkness.

When I started realizing I was looping, it was perfect to learn about people.  There were women I could get close with and my loneliness faded away for the cycle.  I had met a lot of girls and felt so close to many of them.  But each reset I was greeted with words that cut into my heart deeper and deeper each time hearing them: ‘who are you?’

Nothing that I had done with them remained.  No clever date, no laughs we shared, no talks about our past.  I would remember vague things about them, but no one else perceived the loop, I was just as unknown the hundredth time talking to them, as the first.  The closeness I thought I had with them was an illusion.  It was only in my mind.  That sent me down a dark road as I no longer had this to comfort me given the end I experience without fail.

The terror of dying every cycle started grinding on me until the desperation reached a breaking point.  I started trying to kill myself out of this nightmare, thinking that this simply wasn’t real.  If it was, I would rather be dead than be trapped in this fearful world where nothing I did mattered.  And it ended in absolute pain every single time.

Sitting here huddled on the floor, crying while this multitude of memories flooding back was not fun.  I wondered if every time was like this.  Probably.

The desperate loops were short lived, and then it became rampant hedonism and dark experiences.  When I realized I would indeed be reborn each cycle anew my curiosity took a dark turn.  How many people could I kill before I was stopped?  How many girls could I get within a single cycle knowing the perfect things to say to them from thousands of scripted conversations I had tried?

Advertisements

Proud Infinity pt 5

Hey guys thanks for reading and liking, please leave any comments about your thoughts on the story!  Trego now is at the bar, and is going to meet the playful by myterious Proud.  Things are heating up!

story:

I laughed loud once. “Just kidding man.  Like anyone has a job since damn ReCorp came in.  Bastards,” I said shaking my head.  It was so weird.  I agreed with my statements, but I felt more like an actor watching and carefully picking my lines than actually living life.  “Get me your cheapest drink, I’ll be back.”

I turned and saw ‘Infinity Girl’ in the corner and went to stand up.  This time the man who wanted to fight me stayed seated.  He nodded to me while I walked passed him.  Good choice.  I laid you out once, I’ll do it again.

This girl had a very powerful aura about her that was intimidating, but I was more poised about this figure she represented compared to what might be happening to me internally.

“Hi,” I said, taking the seat across from her.  She had a deeply knowing smile on as she looked at me.  I kind of frowned for a moment as my poise left me.  Damn, it’d been a while since I had been unsettled like this by a woman.

Her dark green hair came a bit long around the face, leaving just enough room for bright blue eyes to look through like a window as the hair hung softly around the cheeks, leaving her Strive to be completely unobstructed.  She had a playfulness to her with the sly smile on, vastly out of position at a dump like this bar. Her pink bow spoke to her presumed confidence, and her tight black bodysuit she wore left nothing to imagination.

‘Ahh, the wonders of genetic engineering, eh?  Damn right.’  I conversed with myself.

I was staring at the shadows and shines on her adequate chest when she asked, “Enjoyable?” before softly laughing.  “I hoped it would be.”

“Damn, sorry.” I closed my eyes and shook my head.  I opened my eyes back up and concentrated on looking at her eyes, which was actually rather hard.  “Look, this is kind of a weird question, but…do we know each other?”

“That is an interesting question.  It is tough to tell.”

“Uh…it is?  Why?” I asked.

“If you do not yet know, perhaps we do not yet know each other?”  Her tone indicted she was asking a question, but I wasn’t sure.  I mean what kind of question is that?

She was as mysterious as her appearance.  Her eyes had a deep level of intelligence to them, as we stared at each other I felt like she knew far more than she let on.

“Is that a question for me?”  I asked.  “I don’t remember you, but it kind of seems like I know you.”

“Hey.” A new voice, I turned and it was the bartender.  He had my drink I didn’t really want.  “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, why?”  I pulled out my credcard and he swiped it, deducting a few valuable credits.  I hoped it wasn’t the difference from getting a ticket off-world and not.

“Well you came in here before and ran off, now you are sitting at an empty table talking to the wall.”

My eyes flashed back to the girl, half expecting she would not be there and that I was going crazy.  Yeah, lock up ol’ Trego!  Ever since he lost his job he has just been on a downward spiral.  Next thing you know, he will be shooting people saying this was all a dream.

But she indeed was there, and perhaps that was even worse for my case of going crazy.  She smiled and nodded once.

“Uh, yeah, I’m fine.  Just still a bit messed up over losing my job and all.”

“Join the crowd,” the bartender said before he left.

I leaned forward to the girl.  “Okay, what the hell is going on?”

“That is also a tough question with many layers of complexity.”  I felt like she was playing me for the fool.

I balled my fist in anger; her coyness was pissing me off.   “Look, I get it.  My questions are ‘tough’ but start talking.  Why do these guys pretend you aren’t here, and why did I dream a scenario close to this, except I died and didn’t talk to you in it?!”  As soon as I released the torrent, I regretted it.  I didn’t even know this girl, and now suddenly I was acting like some crazy person.

I was glad she didn’t make an issue of it.  “Maybe you were supposed to talk to me then?” she asked innocently.

“It was a dream, you can’t control those things.  Maybe that’s why I am talking to you now, because of that vision.”  I was far more open with her than I normally ever would be, but the intensity of that dream kept me going.

“Vision?  Is that what you thought it was?” she asked, her eyebrows went up in a ‘what the hell are you talking about’ kind of look, kind of like everyone else had in the room.  For a moment I considered that maybe I was part of some reality show, or some military test to see if I would break.  No, I was tougher than this.  At the very least I had to see what she would say.

I gripped my fist hard, gritting my teeth.  This stupid bitch, I didn’t do good with coquette behavior.  I wanted to slap her.  For a moment I thought about threatening her with my pistol, but I left that idea on the table, so to say.  For now I’ll just try a different approach.

I sighed and tried again.  I wanted to get to the bottom of this mystery.  “Do you have a name?”

“I am a bit unsure on your standards, but isn’t it correct to give your name first?”

I frowned a bit; she was not making this easy.  “It’s Trego.”

“I know,” she stated flatly.

I raised an eyebrow.  “You already know?  Why would you even ask then?”  I realized that everyone in the bar had stopped talking and was looking at me.  I looked back at them, wondering how long they were going to keep their act up, and they went back to small talk.  Yes I get it; I’m probably part of a comedy show or some psyche experiment, go back to drowning your sorrows.

“Yes, I know your name,” she said.

“Uh, well okay, so what is yours?  Can you give it to me now?”  What was the point of her little show if she already knew mine?

“Proud,” she stated the single word and nothing more.

“ ‘Proud’?  That’s your name?”

She turned her head slightly, looked just a bit concerned.  “Is it not sufficient for a name?  Do I require something more?  I had hoped everything was sufficient, tailored specifically, in fact.  Does it need to be changed?  I’m sorry, this is my first time.  This is all new to me as well.”

“No, if that’s your name, it’s fine.  I just wasn’t sure I heard you right.”

Her tone of voice changed slightly, her pronunciation was now different.  “Is this easier for you to understand?”  It was not like adding or dropping an accent, which some people do, and it seemed beyond just a nanite filter of having them change the spoken words.  Her voice had changed.

My thoughts were racing, ‘What the fuck is going on here?’  I glanced behind me and everyone was staring at me.  I stared back at her, and half-expected her to be gone.

Sample of my next story ‘Proud Infinity’ Stuck in a time loop with only a god to keep him company

Trego and Proud

I am going to be having parts from my next book ‘Proud Infinity’ for the next couple of days.  This story is about a guy who ends up stuck in a time fracture and the only other person who realizes it is a demi-goddess sent to help him end it.

 

This will be sequential and this is the beginning, enjoy!

Story:

 

One of the more interesting theories that have come to gain more credibility is the theory that certain events can be so damaging to the framework of reality that time fractures backwards to prevent this event from occurring.

…‘Time’ as used in the dimensional sense had grown to be an increasingly complex subject as there is mounting evidence of both a preferential flow to it, and in some cases what could only loosely be termed as a ‘reroute’.

– Terran Intradex Ver. 4 Excerpts on ‘Time Theories’

 

See also: ‘Preferential pathing of time’; ‘Time Fractures’

 

I hardly even noticed her the first time I saw her…the woman who would ruin, but also save, my life.  Looking back it seemed obvious, now that I was tuned to how things actually worked.  At the time, she was just another girl that I crossed paths with during my growing desperation.  I sometimes wonder if I knew then what would occur, and how painful it would be, if I would have made the same choice.

 

***

I didn’t usually go to a bar the first thing in the morning, but times had started to become desperate; besides, I felt drawn to it.  I had no doubt I was among the smartest people on this planet who was unemployed since ReCorp came in.  That fact pissed me off.  This had been my situation for a while, but while the credits still lasted I wasn’t that worried or upset.

The cycles marched on as they do, and my reserve funds dwindled as I tried to get hired with the corporation that displaced my old job.  Surely since I was so brilliant, they would have to hire me, right?

But they did not.  They did not hire a single person from the prior team.

I was normally fairly calculating, but today I was spoiling for a fight, an outlet for my anger building.  I really wanted someone, anyone, to question me, why someone of my caliber was not employed or doing something ‘meaningful’.  ‘As if just existing does not have inherent meaning!’ I would answer to them before smashing their face.  I was generally immune to nihilism and the lack of a job might not make me sad, but it certainly made me mad.

I caught my reflection in the dimaglass door of the bar, seeing my confident smirk framed by my shorter hair with the slight ‘fray’ in the middle I could never get to go away.  Yeah, that was someone ready to beat down some evil, and should have a job while he’s at it.

I had not been to this one before, but I guess they were pretty much the same anywhere.  The smoke slowly billowed out from the door I was holding open, wafting out from the dimly lit interior.  Why they never had better lighting, I didn’t know.  Maybe they might catch their pathetic reflection in their drinks; can’t have that!  Nope, not at all.

I stepped inside and quickly surveyed the surroundings.  It appeared to be a long shallow hall.  I was on one side and to my right the bar and tables went further down.  A few of the people lifted their heads, staring at me with a ‘what do you think you are doing here?’ look.  I laughed to myself and continued scanning the bar.  Alright, which one of you suckas wants to go?

I walked up to the empty set of chairs right by the door and waved the barkeep over.

“What will you be having?”

“Well, I’m here to find out if there are any jobs or contracts anyone has posted.”

He laughed dismissively, I looked back at him in surprise.  “I don’t even know you.  You think I’d tell you anything with these many deserving people here?”

There were a few grunts of ‘yeah’ or ‘who do you think you are’; I could feel the hostile aura grow a bit in this room.  I took note of it, but I was here for answers or action.

“Isn’t it your job to simply state the facts—” I began saying before he cut me off.

“Don’t you get it?  Ever since ReCorp came in, there haven’t been any jobs!”

Some people laughed, and a typical chorus of ‘yeahs!’ echoed at me.

I knew ReCorp had whacked all the jobs, but it didn’t mean there might not be new ones.  Didn’t these fucks have any optimism in their life?  My anger at him dissipated as the truth of his statement settled in.  I frowned and I looked away from him.  The room was entirely male, grinning and chuckling at me.

Except for the girl in the corner.  My natural eyes locked onto her, and my nanites in my eyes interpreted correctly to focus on her.  I felt my eyes tighten, and a network of nanites formed a lens over my eye as my vision zoomed in on her face.

Her bright pink bow on her right side of her dark green hair was strange enough for the two facts very few had that hair color naturally, and such a bright pink was deeply out of place in here, this wasteland of talent.  She was clearly looking right at me, but was neither smiling nor frowning; her lips were straight, her light blue eyes locked onto mine.  Other than her intense eyes, the final strange part was her Strive tattoo under her left eye: a single infinity sign.

What the hell was a girl like that doing here?  Though the term ‘girl’ might be demeaning to her: she was clearly a developed woman wearing a tight black body suit.  A prostitute?  Haha, even I might have been tempted.  Set a low enough price and I am sure she would clear house down here.

“What’s up with the girl over there?” I asked the bartender while nodding towards the girl.

“What are you talking about?”

I looked back at him angrily. “The girl over there, do you know her?  Prostitute or what?” I asked so I could justify my curiosity in her.

He looked confused, and his little act was pissing me off.  I shook my head, and looked away from him back at the girl who I think might have smiled slightly.  Heh, so she thought this was funny?

Hmm, well she might be interesting to talk to; damn cryptic-looking though.  I was not normally intimidated by anyone, but she might be the first, or at least real close to it.  I pushed myself away from the bar I was standing at and took a step towards her when I felt a huge force into my shoulder pushing me down to the ground.

“Watch where you are going,” said the large man who had clearly ran into me with the intention of driving me to the ground.  I heard some laughing around the room.

“Walo is going to fuck this guy up!”  I heard someone say, more laughter.

I looked right up at ‘Walo’, smiling deeply. “Bad move, bitch.”  Though this was going to be easy, I did not feel bad for him at all.

His first mistake, other than attacking me, was staying in range.  I braced myself up on my hands and lashed out a straight kick right into his knee cap, driving my foot far past the point his was normally supposed to bend.  I spun around, standing up and drawing my Liner pistol, smashing the handle down onto his head.  His broke patella and concussion shocking his system left him on the floor.

I stepped backwards towards the door, my pistol leveled and cycling between the nearest people, the girl in the back had a wild smile on as my pistol danced over her.  I wanted to fight, but having it actually happen sobered me up, and I did not need the whole bar coming after me.  “I’m leaving,” I stated firmly to those nearest me, and did just that.

Some art for my books

I draw most of my own art that I label as ‘fan art’ to encourage people from coming up with their own appearances for the characters which is half the fun.

Here are two of a story I am working on called ‘Proud Infinity’ where the main guy is trapped in a time loop and a demigod in the form of a playful female is the only way out.

trego-and-proud

If you read any of my books and want to draw a character, I will feature it here.